Five Ways to Eliminate Your Fears of Childbirth
I spoke to a few mothers of different ages and asked them, “What was your view of childbirth before you had a baby?” Most of the replies I got were; pain, death, terrifying, long, petrified, scary, messy, difficult, treacherous, don’t go in with many expectations. I did, however, get a shy few handful of moms who responded; powerful, strong, brave, fearless, miraculous, beautiful, empowering, amazing, strong. These are views of childbirth BEFORE ever having a baby. Why do we have these views? How do these not yet experiences get implanted into our minds and create fear around birth?
I remember when I was expecting my first, Annabelle. I was sitting on a bus heading into work when this older lady sat next to me and said, “you are so young, you’re going to try hard and give it your all when you give birth because it's so scary and painful. Make sure you take all the drugs they offer because you’ll need it, but it’ll be rewarding once you’re holding your baby.” What? Here is an example of what implanting a perspective in a mother’s mind looks like. How you look at the process of birthing will have a big impact on how the process goes.
Implanting a Fearful Perspective
Some of the birth stories you and I have heard, if we were honest, are terrifying. Tearing from end to end, 36+ hour labors, emergency c-section, you know the stories I am talking about. I am not saying mothers shouldn’t share their birth experience and be real about their story, but if their experience was horrible, they shouldn’t share it with every expecting mom! This can instill an underlying fear that frames a strong perspective of birth
“You look huge, my friend had her baby, and she tore so badly.”
“Oh, I had a 36-hour labor, it was unbearable. I hope yours isn’t as bad as mine.”
“After a 28-hour labor, I had an emergency c-section, don’t even bother and just schedule a c-section.”
“Don’t go into your labor with many expectations because you’ll end up disappointed.”
“You are carrying big; big babies take longer to birth.”
These comments stick with us; it’s easy to scare a woman about birth; it is wrong. Give birth a chance. How you view birth will play in when it comes to making decisions on how and where to birth your baby. Surround yourself with women who have positive birth stories, connect with your midwife about your fears, connect with a local doula, allow your mind to create a positive perspective about birth. Let’s reframe this view of birth and focus on the strength of birth.
Birth is such a beautiful experience. There is nearly nothing more empowering than growing life inside of you, your body changing, and giving birth through your strength. Something I found interesting is that we tend to focus on the pain, the intense “painful” labor, and we forget to highlight the amount of love and joy that is exploding from our bodies. Giving birth gives our body an overload of oxytocin and endorphins that are the love hormones our body naturally makes. No one talks about these!
Oxytocin and Endorphins Play Major Roles During Childbirth
Oxytocin is produced throughout pregnancy and increases significantly during active labor. Oxytocin gives us feelings of trust, calmness, security, and reduces fear. This is especially helpful for active labor and birth. Not only does oxytocin give us good feelings, but it helps with uterine contractions that help dilation during labor. Endorphins are another hormone our body creates. During labor, endorphins rise with each contraction, especially during active labor. Endorphins help regulate the pace of labor, which can serve to help the intensity of labor. As a woman's body is laboring, it is important for her body to stay in a low-stress state. A relaxed woman can actually feel less pain than a woman who is in distress, oxytocin and endorphins are there to help.
How Fear Impacts the Birthing Body
Fear has a direct impact on the birthing body. When fear hits us, our body tenses, our heart rate speeds up, and we go into a panic state. This can affect how much oxytocin and endorphin hormones our body releases. Because of the emotional connection labor requires, when fear, anxiety, tension, and stress enter the body, it can reduce the amount of oxytocin and endorphins our body releases. Why do we forget that birth is a natural process? Birth is love, beauty, life. Don’t allow fear in the room.
How Fear Plays a Role When Choosing a Preferred Birth Place
Fear has a way of pre-deciding our decision. Talk about your fears; it is normal to have them. Reach out to your midwife or doula, someone who has birth experience. Talk to your spouse, bring them on the journey. Men play a role in birth as well, it’s often overlooked or not seen as important, but your spouse can be your biggest support system and can help eliminate fears throughout the pregnancy and labor.
I am a home birth advocate, but over that, I am a birth advocate, let me explain. I believe a woman should give birth where she feels most comfortable. I would not tell a mother who is afraid of having a home birth, to have a home birth. Mothers should educate themselves-- research, study, and make informed decisions. Fear comes from the unknown, uncertainty, and, most of the time, education around the fear can eliminate fear.
Five Ways to Eliminate Your Fears of Childbirth
Be aware of the fear. It is okay to have a fear of birth. It’s hard to overcome fear if you are not able to see it. Figure out what the fear of childbirth is.
Learn about birth. For a lot of people, there is a lot of fear regarding the unknown. You’ve heard stories, and your friends have had experiences, educate yourself. Talk to women who had positive birth experiences. Educate yourselves in areas you are scared about. Gear your education towards what your fear is.
Bring fears to a trusted person like a midwife, doula, or a friend. It should be someone who knows a lot about childbirth or has experienced birth themselves.
Prepare for the labor you want. Make sure you are preparing your body and mind for the labor you want. Take steps in the directions-- nutrition, exercise, mental preparation, stress levels. We don’t wake up one day to run a marathon!
Have a support team that will support and encourage you through your labor. On the day of birth, many things are happening, and it's all happening so quickly. Have people you trust, a team that will give you strength and encourage you through labor.
You Chose, You Decide:
Your birth choice is a personal and important decision. Have peace about where you decide to give birth, you being comfortable is what is most important. I encourage you to continue research and gear your study to areas of concern or fear because the more you know about a topic, the less scary it’ll become. Make an informed decision for what is best for you and your family.